i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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