Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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