their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
