i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Randomize
