yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
