Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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