tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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