so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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