And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just googled if crying burns calories
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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