Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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