Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
where are my eyebrows?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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