i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All I want is dick and wine.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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