Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
