I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
