Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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