i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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