I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
