My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
