dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
