i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
