you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize