Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
