Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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