quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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