I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
