I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
