its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't deserve a penis
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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