If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
