I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
