video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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