You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
