Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
