Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
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The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This baby is an asshole
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I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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