Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
