i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
