Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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