We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just found puke in my bra..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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