I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
