Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
3pm strippers are depressing
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize