Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
