Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
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I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
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adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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