UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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