They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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