and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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