Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
