i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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