I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
