I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
