I can text with my tongue
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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