I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
