you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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