this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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