I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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