how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
