bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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