I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
