remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
