why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
