i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the day after is always just damage control
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
