okay pat passed out under dana's car
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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