he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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