i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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