Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
