NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
