somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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