you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
