hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
