This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
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he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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