This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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