he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
