8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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