He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
