i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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