So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
