i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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