If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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