I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
not ubering you a puppy
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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