I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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