Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
