He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
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With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
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I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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