where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
